Home Office: Microsoft's Dumbest Moves

It's really crazy when Microsoft releases a patch that doesn't work right. You'd figure a company that's planning to take over the world could do a little testing, like before it releases an update, no? Yet that's just what Microsoft didn't do.

Keep reading and I'll supply you with some of Microsoft's dumbest upgrade screw-ups--and a workaround strategy. (BTW, have you heard that Microsoft, McDonalds, and Disney plan to merge and become McDisneySoft? That's not true, but still kind of funny.)

Now I know all you Windows 98 and ME users are going to shoot me, but most of what I've got to say applies to XP.

Microsoft's Release and Recall Program

I'm most ticked off by Microsoft's latest FUBAR. [Note to editor: Fouled Up Beyond All Recognition] The company released a patch (Microsoft calls it the Q811493 hotfix) that actually slows down some Windows XP SP1 computers. I didn't experience the slowdown, but my buddy Rod did, as did a few other friends. The same day Rod applied the patch, he also installed a new antivirus program. He e-mailed me to complain that the new AV program was junk, slowing his system to a crawl. Of course it wasn't--it was Microsoft's dubious hotfix.

Here's what I recommend: Read a couple of articles that talk about the patch. First look at "Latest Windows XP Patch Slows PCs," then read "Microsoft Reworks Win XP Patch," a lengthier piece that talks about user experiences.

If you've already applied the patch and haven't noticed a slowdown, good. Go back to work (or continue goofing off, whatever fits). OTOH, it makes sense to uninstall the patch if your PC's acting sluggish. From Control Panel, choose Add/Remove, scroll down to "Windows XP Hotfix (SP2) Q811493," and click Remove. A box may appear listing programs you installed after applying the hotfix. Here's where you have to make a decision. My experience was good--I removed the hotfix and there was no impact on the three newly installed utilities. Rod and the four other friends I asked to try it didn't have problems either. I'm sure it's safe, but to be sure, scribble the names of any programs listed in the box (with pencil and paper, if you still have that kind of stuff around) just in case you need to reinstall them.

The Bass Hotfix Rule

Until now I've been pretty compliant when Microsoft offers a patch or update, figuring that it must be something I need. That's changed: Now when Microsoft tells me a patch is available, I hang back for two weeks and wait to hear if some poor schlemiel had his system hosed. If I don't hear anguished screams, I'll install the patch.

Here's how to play it safe: In XP, right-click My Computer and select Properties. Choose the Automated Updates tab and click the "Notify me before downloading" radio button. Now you'll be given an option before Microsoft installs any patches.

Dig This: I'll bet you're wondering what celebrities do when they're in Japan. They make commercials--see for yourself at Japander.com. If nothing else, check out wacky Arnold Schwarzenegger, a presidential hopeful, pitching noodles and a nicotine-laced beverage.

A Couple More Microsoft FUBARs

I'm not through with Microsoft just yet. A few months ago, I wrote about how cool Microsoft's free Save My Settings Wizard was for backing up all of your Office 2000 and 2002 settings. What I liked was it saved them offline, on a Microsoft server.

A few weeks later Microsoft discontinued the service for Office XP and 2000 that lets you save to the server, and suggested you save to your hard drive instead.

Take my advice: Save your settings to a read/write CD or an external drive, and make it part of your everyday data backup.

If you're using Office 2000 and a pop-up asks you to register (and you're using a legit copy), it may not be anything you've done. Microsoft discovered a coding anomaly; you can get the details in "Microsoft Patches Office 2000 Bug."

Microsoft Gets It Right

On the positive side, Microsoft's Error Reporting feature in Windows XP and Office XP is apparently doing some good. The company decided not to release Office 2003 because of the feedback it's received. Two stories to glance at: "Microsoft Delays Office 2003 Launch" and "Extended Beta May Stabilize Office 2003."

Carl Siechert, coauthor of Microsoft Windows XP Inside Out, told me that Microsoft pays attention to the data it receives through the error-reporting utility. From the response to the Office beta, I tend to agree. Take a look at the tool: In XP's Control Panel, choose System, select the Advanced tab, click Error Reporting, and make a decision how--or if--you want error reports to go to Microsoft.

Dig This: Check out Kokogiak.com, a nifty site that makes good use of technology. You can start by comparing Seattle in 1907 and in 2002 with a slider and then a fader. Cool, no?

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