10 Things You Must Never Do With a Friend's iPhone

You're one of the lucky ones. Because you didn't shell out hundreds for an Apple iPhone two weeks ago, your bank account still shows a positive balance. But since you know someone who did buy the $599 phone, you have access to one, if only temporarily. No need to rub elbows with the hoi polloi at the Apple store, or heaven help you, an AT&T Inc. store, to try out the gizmo. No need, either, to spend the money to impress that certain someone, you cheapskate.

Before you start groveling, though, you should know the 10 rules for iPhone iBorrowers so your free test-drive doesn't end bloodily, or at least badly.

No Smudging, No Sneezing

Wipe your fingers before you put them on someone else's iPhone. That screen may be dazzling, but coat it with greasy fingerprints by pointing and pinching, and your iPhone-ownin' friend may disown you. No need to go all Adrian Monk here, but at least have the courtesy to swipe your index finger a time or two on the thigh of your jeans. And although this goes without saying, it's worth repeating: If you have to sneeze, turn your head or cover your mouth or hand back the iPhone. If oily fingerprints are bad on the iPhone screen, sneeze residue is worse.

Do Not Drop and Do Not Blend!

PC World ran a quick-and-dirty battery of drop-and-demolish tests on the iPhone and concluded that "there's no need to coddle this sexy little device." But don't let that fool you. Let a friend's iPhone slip out of your greasy fingers (see "no smudging" above), and the only coddling you'll get is from the nurse who splints your broken arm in the ER an hour later. This is six bills' worth of technology you're holding, remember, and unless you want to risk bodily harm as your pal flips out, hold it tight.

And whatever you do, do not -- repeat do not -- put it in a nuclear-powered blender like Blendtec's "Total Blender." Some people -- "Fake Steve Jobs", for one -- can't bear to watch the iPhone reduced to toxic powder and a single strip of mangled metal, but frankly, for anyone who doesn't own one and thinks most people who do are poseurs with a too-high limit on their credit card, this is a hoot and a half. Some 1 million (and counting) YouTube viewers agree.

Bonus: The blended remains -- which looks like Fluffy's ashes in the urn on the mantel -- have been booked on eBay. As of Sunday, the top bid was $1,151. Unbelievable. That's essentially sand, people. (Auction closes Friday, July 20.)

Step Away From the EDGE

Unless you want to see your friend pout -- or worse -- never ask to try out the phone's built-in Internet browsing unless you and the iPhone are within range of a Wi-Fi connection. AT&T's own EDGE-based data network is slow, and bringing up a graphics-heavy page can take a minute or more. Do not point this out to your iPhone friend. Your pal will think you've just taken a cheap shot at the iPhone, and by extension, him. You'll never touch that iPhone again.

Ask Before Perusing Photos

Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men? Or for that matter, in their iPhone photo albums? Sure, Apple's commercials are all kids and puppies, but are those the kind of pics your pal will have on his iPhone? Do you want to take the chance to find out? We thought not. Stay away from the photographs tucked into your borrowed iPhone. Too personal, definitely, for Peeping Toms.

Make the Call, Already

If you've asked to borrow an iPhone to make a call, stop gawking at the thing; stop tapping the screen, and dial already. Otherwise, stop the lying and have the guts to ask the honest question: "Can I just hold it for a while?"

Don't Bogart that iPhone!

Although the opening crush to put fingers to an iPhone may be over, it's only polite to keep your tapping time to a minimum: We suggest three minutes so the owner doesn't get overly impatient and rip the thing from your hand. Also, if there's a small group crowded around the iPhone, don't hog the phone. Scientific studies have showed that unequal wait times can make people go postal. And that's the last thing you want to happen, right?

Don't Tap Mail

You wouldn't jack your friend's e-mail account to spy out his missives -- or misses -- would you? You would? Then you're the kind who snoops in medicine cabinets; shame on you.

Pressing the Mail button on the iPhone gives you instant access to messages from your pal's Yahoo, Gmail and other accounts. (Notice, however, that Web-based Hotmail/Live Mail from rival Microsoft isn't among the easy options.) That's creepy. Don't do it.

Don't Ever Laugh, Ever

Your friend paid big money for this, so the last thing she wants to hear is you cackling about a) how stupid he was, b) how worthless the iPhone is, c) some glitch you didn't notice or d) any other observation that sounds like criticism. Unless you care more about the stack of Post-It Notes on your desk than this person, or your friendship, save your wisecracks for when you're out of earshot. Note: This is a variation of the "New Owner, No Sense of Humor" syndrome experienced by anyone who buys a Lexus, top-end MacBook Pro, McMansion, or anything from the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog. Let them figure out their mistake on their own.

No iPorn on the iPhone

If you're tempted -- for whatever reason, we don't judge -- to fire up your friend's iPhone Safari browser and surf to a porn site ... well, don't. Safari on the iPhone, like browsers on desktop and notebook computers, has a History function that can easily be called up by the owner to see where you took his iPhone. Busted!

If you must, at least have the decency to clear the History, as well as Safari's cache before you give back the iPhone. To do just that, hit the Home button, go to "Settings," scroll down to "Safari," tap, then scroll down again. There you go: easy-to-understand buttons that will steer you out of trouble. "Clear History" and "Clear Cache" do just what they say with a tap of each button. Use them.

It's not Called the iRedenbacher, is it?

Your friend may not demand that you read the iPhone's user manual before operating it, but we think you should know the safety facts -- just in case you mistake the iPhone for, oh, say a bag of Orville Redenbacher's popcorn.

Direct from that manual:

-- Do not attempt to dry iPhone with an external heat source, such as a microwave oven or hair dryer.

-- Do not drop, disassemble, open, crush, bend, deform, puncture, shred, microwave, incinerate, paint or insert foreign objects into iPhone.

Do Not Do Too Much While Driving

Jotting down a to-do list or flipping through your address book takes attention away from your primary responsibility, driving safely.

-- Turn off iPhone (press and hold the Sleep/Wake button, and then drag the on-screen red slider) when in any area with a potentially explosive atmosphere.

Special Tip

-- And here's a special bonus to anyone who lives in Las Vegas; Palm Springs, Calif.; Phoenix; or other notorious hot spot: "Operate iPhone in a place where the temperature is always between 0 degrees and 35 degrees C (32 degrees to 95 degrees F)."