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Quotes We Would Like to See in 2000

Don't expect to hear any of these in the coming year. But wouldn't it be nice if you did?

Lincoln Spector, special to PC World

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The year 2000 looms over us as a frightening array of potential catastrophes. In the next 12 months, we may have to contend with massive computer failures, religious fears of the apocalypse, and rioting fanatics insisting that the new millennium doesn't actually start until 2001.

Worst of all, it will be an election year.

Those of us who follow the computer industry may be able to ignore the Bush-versus-Gore moneyfest, but we'll have to contend with corporations and spokespeople who are every bit as integrity-challenged as politicians. If we could somehow introduce a truth serum into the oxygen supply of every modern office building, here are some statements we just might see and hear:

"Windows 2000 will not be a practical operating system for home users. Nor can we recommend it for small businesses. Medium to large businesses, however, will find it of minimum practicality." --Microsoft press release

"Yes, we knew that most PCs made in the 1990s required little more than a one-time manual date change to roll their CMOS into the new century. But what were we going to do, not sell our cards?" --Any vendor of Y2K hardware fixes

"Cable modem service? In your neighborhood? Yeah, well, maybe in 2010." --AT&T

"Our major CPU for 2001, the Los Angeles River, contains exciting new technologies that will allow us to double processor performance. While it is true that almost no one needs a computer that can run that fast, we have absolute confidence in Microsoft's ability to create an operating system and office suite slow enough to make it a necessity." --Intel

"We at fill-in-the-blank.com respect your privacy. We therefore promise not to give away the information we have on you--which includes all of your purchases at our site, surfing habits, and underwear sizes--to any other company. We do, however, reserve the right to sell it for a good price." --Any dot-com retailer

"Press any key if you wish to return to Windows or Control-Alt-Delete if you wish to close it and reboot. After that action, scream at the top of your lungs as your computer fails to respond to either of those actions." --The Windows blue screen of death

"Gee, I guess we are a monopoly." --Bill Gates

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