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The Cell Phone Ten Commandments

There are probably more; we just ran out of tablet space.

By Dan Briody, Infoworld   

No one teaches us these things in company training seminars; they're just learned on the job.

Well, I've reached the point with cell phones where I feel the need to lay down the law. There are some real abuses of wireless technology being perpetrated all around us; and the time has come to create some social order out of the cell phone chaos. This is by no means an exhaustive list simply because, as the technology evolves, new annoying traits will surely emerge.

Commandments usually come in tens, so think of this as the first Ten Commandments of Cell Phone Etiquette, with amendments to follow.

Layin' Down the Law

1. Thou shalt not subject defenseless onlookers to cell phone conversations. When people cannot escape the banality of your conversation--on a plan, on a train, on a bus, in a cab, or at the dinner table--spare them.

2. Thou shalt not set thy ringer to play "La Cucaracha" every time thy phone rings. Or Beethoven's Fifth, or the Bee Gees, or any other annoying melody. Is it not enough that phones go off every other second?

3. Thou shalt turn thy cell phone off during public performances. I'm not even sure this one needs saying, but given the repeated violations of this heretofore unwritten law, I felt compelled to include it.

4. Thou shalt not wear more than two wireless devices on thy belt. This hasn't become a big problem yet. But with plenty of technojockeys sporting pagers and phones, Batman-esque utility belts are sure to follow. Let's nip this one in the bud.

5. Thou shalt not dial while driving. In all seriousness, this madness has to stop. There are enough people in the world who have problems mastering vehicles and phones individually.

   And Furthermore...

6. Thou shalt not wear thy earpiece in the presence of thy friends. This is not unlike being on the phone and carrying on another conversation with someone who is physically in your presence. No one knows if you're here or there.

7. Thou shalt not speak louder on thy cell phone than thou would on any other phone. These things have incredibly sensitive microphones, and it's gotten to the point where I can tell if someone is calling me from a cell because of the way they are talking, not how it sounds. If your signal cuts out, speaking louder won't help, unless the person is actually within earshot.

8. Thou shalt not grow too attached to thy cell phone. For obvious reasons, a dependency on constant communication is not healthy. At work, go nuts. At home, give it a rest.

9. Thou shalt not attempt to impress with thy cell phone. Not only is using a cell phone no longer impressive in any way (unless it's one of those really cool new phones with the space-age design), when it is used for that reason, said user can be immediately identified as a neophyte and a poseur.

10. Thou shalt not slam thy cell phone down on a restaurant table just in case it rings. This is not the Old West, and you are not a gunslinger sitting down to a game of poker in the saloon. Could you please be a little less conspicuous? If it rings, you'll hear it just as well if it's in your coat pocket or clipped on your belt.

Well, I'm all thoued and thyed out, so there you have it: the first ten rules of cell phone etiquette. Most seem like common sense to me, but each gets broken every day.

For more IT analysis and commentary on emerging technologies, visit InfoWorld.com. Story copyright © 2011 InfoWorld Media Group. All rights reserved.

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