Crunchsuit. Michael Arrington will finally win his lawsuit against the makers of the JooJoo tablet, formerly known as the CrunchPad. By this time, however, paper-thin Web tablets with 6G broadband connections will be available for $4.99 at supermarket checkouts.
Y-holes. The merged Yahoo-AOL will announce yet another major reorganization, following the installation of its 37th CEO, Miley Cyrus. No one besides Billy Ray will notice.
Amazon. Having swallowed Netflix, Blockbuster, ABC/Disney, Comcast/NBC, and every independent movie studio still standing, Amazon will announce that it now controls every piece of media content that isn't already owned by the iTunes Store. And its video-on-demand selection will still be mostly crap.
Twitterverse. The world's most popular microblog will celebrate its 1 quintillionth tweet by sending the first 140-character messages to and from Uranus. They will, of course, be about astro-cats.
Apple iMortal. Near the end of the next decade Apple will announce iMortal, a new app for the iPhone 7GSS that allows users to store an entire lifetime's worth of thoughts and memories on the device so that they can be accessed by future generations. The first person to become iMortal, of course: Steve Jobs.
The United States of Google. In 2020, Sergey Brin and Larry Page will be elected the nation's first co-presidents. Their first official act will be to overhaul our educational system by requiring every elementary school student to install the gAmygdala chip. Their second act: changing the motto on U.S. currency from "E pluribus unum" to “I'm Feeling Lucky.”
And oh yeah: Happy New Year.
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