4. The Oversharer
If social networks are giant pharmacies of information, we're all the white-coated wizards behind the counter. Sometimes, however, the info-dispensing can be taken slightly too far.
This compulsion for expulsion is the calling card of the Oversharer, a common tool seen lurking about Twitter's virtual hallways. An Oversharer thinks the world wants to know what she had for breakfast this morning, or how many miles she just ran at the gym. She may even share unnecessary information on such topics as sexual endeavors, bathroom activity, or some highly disturbing combination of the two (don't ask).
The Oversharer gets disproportionately excited about Starbucks runs, YogaBerry decisions, and countdowns to the next episode of "Lost."
5. The Autotweeter
A close cousin to the Oversharer, the Autotweeter takes the concept of TMI and automates it. While the Oversharer isn't likely to be bragging about personal hygiene, his unwanted updates are no less irritating.
The Autotweeter gets his kicks from using services that help keep the world apprised of all sorts of useless factoids. Some Autotweeters might set Pandora to send out updates on every track they're listening to (did you hear that @leonlulu is listening to "Rocket Man" by Elton John?). Others might use Foursquare or similar geolocation utilities to let us know they've become the mayor of Toolville or arrived at the Bennigan's on Who-Gives-a-Flying-Fudge Boulevard.
Maybe geolocation's great if you're on the sending end, but does anyone else really need to know you're scarfing down a Filet-O-Fish at your fourth McDonald's of the day?
6. The Autofollowing Tool
We've all gotten 'em: those bizarre Twitter followers who don't seem to actually know you or care what you have to say. They might be hot chicks with obviously fake profile photos, or cheesy-looking salesmen with smiles broad enough to make your stomach churn. Either way, there's no logical reason they should've started following you.
So what's going on here? It's simple: These lovely ladies and gents are Autofollowing Tools. Autofollowing Tools use programs to seek out and follow random people with the hopes that they'll follow back. Kind of like social media experts, only with more diverse areas of interest.
If you aren't sure if you've been hit by an Autofollowing Tool, just look for the automated direct message; Autofollowing Tools love those things. If your newest pal DMs you to let you know how much he's looking forward to reading your tweets and learning more about you, it's safe to respond with the following:
"Learn this, good sir: You are a tool."