Return of the Spam Heckler

Artwork: Chip Taylor
About a year ago, I wrote an article for this site that began by praising the craft required to produce a spam header intriguing enough to coax an innocent recipient into opening the unsolicited message (see "Straight to the Spam Folder: Astonishing E-Mail Messages You'll Never Open"). Then I spent the rest of the story mocking various spam headers that editors at PCWorld had recently received.

It turns out that I enjoyed the mocking more than the praising. So here are several dozen new specimens of the spammer's art--rescued from my e-mail program's spam filter over the past year, lovingly curated, and then given the Fozzie Bear treatment. As before, the header is exactly as found in the quarantine zone, though the senders' names have been altered slightly for the usual cowardly legal reasons.

News Flashes You May Have Missed

Earth isn't round!

(from sven.yargs@pcworld.com)

It's just large-boned.

Major stock crisis news forthcoming

(from diyhairy2965@sky.com)

...details when it's too late.

Administration alert

(from customerservice@brbank.net)

That's not what Fox News is reporting.

FDIC has officially named your bank a failed bank

(from consumeralerts@fdic.gov)

About time it got some recognition.

Ow each province to work out responsible

(from summatime@itsmyinclination.com)

But first they have to stop hitting me!

Sellers You Can Trust

You may never make a bigger decision than visiting our website here

(from pluteauCI@architrave.org)

Especially if your life is as pathetic and meaningless as we suspect.

When you don?t know what to do from pain, ask us for help.

(from ventilated30@romanth&truby.com)

We specialize in selling things to people whose suffering has impaired their judgment.

Get the real pills for free

(from rodeAo@bbtrombone.com)

The business model here sounds fascinating.

$20,000 for just $100 59% off

(from chorusx9x@partenaire-emprevise.fr)

I'll bet this guy used to work as a hedge fund manager.

Higher Education

Call for your diploma now.

(from lardsbtt56@funpartiesbytraci.com)

"And that one is my PhD from Funpartiesbytraci University."

Get a degree with no problems.

(from repletion157@zemlya-zeitung.com)

My last degree was passive-aggressive, with codependency issues.

Universities don?t give as much knowledge as you need, buy diploma now.

(from samovarnish06@isabelle-beauregard.com)

For instance, they rarely teach students how to tell a good deal on a fake diploma from a bad one.

More Watches

Imagine having a designer watch for a funny price.

(from detriment44@gamelanconsultants.com)

I don't think he means "ha-ha."

A decent watch will raise you in the eyes of everybody.

(from refreshower095@refluxodigital.com)

But an indecent one will get you invited to more parties.

Add peculiarity to your style with our watches.

(from portendador09@patriot-nit.com)

Or accessorize with some tics of your own.

Be careful ? our watches are extremely che ap.

(from demonetary3@vascoderommer.com)

Do these guys ever sell anything?

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