Glass'em, Dano! Beloved fictional cops reimagined as Google Glassholes

The NYPD is beta-testing Google Glass. But what if our favorite cops from TV and movies had been wearing the eyewear all along?


OK Google, FREEZE!

Think twice before tossing around the term “Glasshole” with casual abandon. As VentureBeat reported Wednesday, the New York Police Department is beta-testing Google’s smartglasses to see if they offer any value for investigations and beat patrols. 

It’s an interesting development for law enforcement, which already makes liberal use of video recording in the real world. But how would Google Glass play out for fictional cops? Would Glass work seamlessly, or would make-believe law enforcement officers suffer all the same issues of real-world users? The mind reels at the implications...


Popeye Doyle, NYPD

“All right, Popeye’s here! Get your hands on your heads, step away from the car, and... wait... hold please. OK Glass, record a video. OK Glass, record a video. OK Glass... Just keep your hands on your heads! We’ll continue with this bust once I figure this out.”


Pepper Anderson, LAPD

“Yes, I can see the suspect from here. No, he doesn’t appear to be armed. He’s pointing and laughing at me. No, I don’t think it has anything to do with Glass. Wait. Wait. OK. He just muttered to an accomplice. Something about my pajamas.”


Frank Bullitt, SFPD

“Now listen, fella. This all ends with a very long and involved car chase. I’m going to be navigating my route with Google Maps, but I don’t want you to go easy on me. Don’t do me any favors. I’m perfectly capable of driving, and using these things at the same time. And be careful. The Field Trip app says there’s a highly combustible gas station at the bottom of the hill.”


Joe Friday, LAPD

“My name is Friday. I’m a cop. I’d like to ask you some questions, ma’am. No, they’re not eyeglasses. It’s called Google Glass. No, they’re not. No, they don’t. No, you can’t. Ma’am, I’m going to ask you to keep your hands away from my face.”


Marge Gundersen, Fargo PD

“Now, you just watch yourself, mister. That’s a tricky woodchipper there, and I can’t get any blood or fleshy parts on these fancy specatcles, don’tcha know.”


Hank Schrader, DEA

“They’re not rocks, they’re minerals. OK Google, search for geodes so I can SET THIS MORON STRAIGHT!!!”


Theo Kojak, NYPD

“Who loves ya, baby? Yeah, I realize that question might sound a bit more credible if I weren’t sucking on a lollipop and wearing bizarre-for-1970s technology on my face.”


Frank Poncherello & Jon Baker, California Highway Patrol

"Hey, Ponch, wanna do a Google Hangout."

"Can't, Jon. I'm too busy looking gooooood."


Debra Morgan, Miami PD

“You know, Dex, I can take inappropriate Masuka. I can take porn-loving Masuka. I can even take flatulent Masuka. But this augmented-reality, Glass app Masuka is creeping me the f*** out!”


Alonzo Harris, LAPD

“Today’s a training day, Officer Hoyt. Show you around, give you a taste of the business. But I ain’t holding hands, OK, Hoyt? [Pauses... Checks Glass... Pauses.] Just a second. Hold please, Hoyt. I tell you, this crazy new stuff the department issued. Glass just thinks I gave it a command...”


Harry Callahan, SFPD

“I know what you’re thinking, punk. You’re thinking, ‘Did he fire six shots or only five?’ Well, it’s all on video. I’ll share a link to my Google+ page, and we’ll have a look back at the station.”