30 Ridiculously Dumb Tech Warning Labels

Warning #11: Penal Code

Seen on a chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

And you thought the wristwatch was bad.

Warning #12: Head Case

Seen on a Nintendo GameCube instruction booklet: "Do not attempt to stick head inside deck, which may result in injury."

Potential injury be damned -- that Princess Zelda looks fine from up close.

Warning #13: Mobile Manners

Seen on a Sony Ericsson cell phone: "Be careful of bad language on this mobile phone, because a partner’s feeling is going to be bad."

Also watch for inappropriate gestures. Seriously, that phone is a jerk.

Warning #14: Oral Warning

Seen on an electric thermometer's instruction sheet: "Do not use orally after using rectally."

Unless, you know, you're just into that sort of thing.

Warning #15: Flame Game

Seen on the instructions for a cordless phone: "Do not put lit candles on phone."

Especially if you're planning to put said phone down your pants.

Warning #16: Plane Stupidity

Seen on a Boeing 757 plane: "Fragile. Do not drop."

That means you, Ah-nold.

Warning #17: Stereo Snack

Seen on the Styrofoam packaging inside a stereo box: "Do not eat."

What do you think this is, an iPod or something?

Warning #18: Private PC

Seen on materials for a Sony Vaio computer: "Warning! Disconnect telephone lines before opening!"

Shut the blinds, too! And if anyone knocks on the front door, run, damn it! RUN!

Warning #19: Calculation Confusion

Seen on materials for a Pentium processing chip: "If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97."

Total shipping costs may vary based upon manufacturer stupidity.

Warning #20: Wish-Wash

Seen on a TV remote control: "Not dishwasher safe."

Well, duh -- everyone knows you have to bring those things in the tub with you to wash them.

Warning #21: Not a Drill

Seen on an electric rotary tool: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill or in medical applications."

I am so reporting my endodontist.

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Warning #22: Disc, No Discus

Seen on a CD player: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult."

And don't even think about throwing it at your dentist.

Warning #23: Size Surprise

Seen on a microscope: "Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear."

Also a popular mantra with women around the world.

Warning #24: No Fly Zone

Seen on materials for Microsoft Flight Simulator 2000: "Warning! This program should not be used in flight training! Death or serious injury could result!"

Silly airlines. Now put down that box and get back to making passengers' lives miserable.

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