The New Year Begins
Darth Vader to make CES announcement http://goo.gl/g0jT2. Vegas odds are 5-1 on "I am your father, Steve."
NVIDIA shows beer keg pc case mod http://bit.ly/gGHJXf. Unfortunately, booth visitors rapidly deplete liquid coolant.
Facebook denies tabloid story that it’s closing http://goo.gl/ZNQaD. But alien baby confirms it is Snooki Polizzi's lovechild.
How to tell good from bad tech consultants http://goo.gl/HYOr1. Beware if they refer to your toaster as an "all-in-one."
Taiwan develops face-recognition vending machine http://goo.gl/8r7yP. Frequent customers greeted with cheery, "Hi, Porky!"
Microsoft finds source of heavy data usage in Windows Phone 7 http://j.mp/hzUA8u. Evidently some tween got hold of it.
Cisco: Puppy cams threaten Internet http://goo.gl/vgdIb. We’d worry more about a possible Assange joint venture, PetLeaks.
Intel developing zero-day-proof security system http://goo.gl/2loLW. Here we call that the off button.
FBI seeks Anonymous with 40 search warrants http://goo.gl/KoIy5. Also seeking warrants for I.M. Kewl and U.R. Pwned.
iPhone 4 user sues over cracked screen http://goo.gl/tEfDy. "Why have an iPhone if you can't use it to shell pecans?" he demands.
iPad app brings Super Bowl interactivity http://goo.gl/FYQzX. Irate fans can send wired referee electric shocks.
European Commission wants personal data on air passengers http://goo.gl/VAD37. Especially the cute blonde in seat 14C.
Verizon to throttle heavy data users http://goo.gl/aHaLJ. Overweight customers cover windpipes, demand protective custody.
Experts: "Internet kill switch" a misnomer http://goo.gl/Ew4GE. "It's touchpad-based, so 'death panel' would be more accurate."
What mobile marketing trends mean for you http://goo.gl/boTWs. Just on a hunch we'd say "the ruination of mobile device use."
NLRB says employees have free speech on Facebook http://goo.gl/2AgCE. Liberty is informally known as Right to Become Suddenly Unemployed.
Writer blames texting for death of English http://goo.gl/chKME. TV, comic books, rock'n'roll, video games are "no longer suspects."
NASA downplays solar flare hype http://goo.gl/POklv. Sun is always looking for attention, astrophysicists complain.
Scientists build laser-beam-canceling anti-laser http://goo.gl/vjt41. Military seeks funding for anti-anti-laser laser research.
7 ways to avoid getting hacked by Anonymous http://goo.gl/j3wY0. Topping the list: Stress how much you admire WikiLeaks.
3D printer will print body parts in next 20 years http://goo.gl/BCkEr. In lieu of hospitalization, doctors may send attachments.
Schools battle truancy with GPS devices http://goo.gl/6SJlV. Several absent students traced to dresser drawers at home.
App manages social networks like a business. http://goo.gl/q5gvH. You'll know it's working if you aren't having any fun.
iPad 2 is 1/3 thinner than iPad 1 http://goo.gl/vqvQ5. If trend continues, expect the iSheet by 2014.
Zuckerberg gives his dog FB fan page http://goo.gl/KCk2O. "I have a better house and better food than you," updates smug canine.
Scientists design tiny computer for implanting in human eye http://goo.gl/thBZP. But the 1.2-lb power brick still needs work.
Realistic robot blurs line between man & machine http://goo.gl/hMLnG. All it wants to do is eat, sleep, and check Facebook.
Hackers make a slot machine that mixes drinks http://goo.gl/GQAPn. But you have to line up three lemons to get it to work.
Free SW pioneer: Cellphones are "Stalin's dream” http://goo.gl/afjv6. Who knew he wanted to be surrounded by oblivious jabbering strangers?
Android apps for business users http://goo.gl/BhscZ. If you work with MBAs, you need the Business Buzzword Babelizer.
Alcohol-friendly gadgets http://goo.gl/ybfrg. In case your alcohol-friendly roommate isn't denting your supplies enough already.
Sun.com name could fetch Oracle $1 million http://goo.gl/ZV6nU. Undisclosed celestial body willing to pay "whatever it takes."
"Why Tablets Are Just a Fad" http://goo.gl/arv0l. Soon to be followed by "The Internal Combustion Engine: Nine-Day Wonder."
Top 5 online 2011 tax scams http://goo.gl/HC7NX. Beware emails that begin, "Greetings. I am head of the Nigerian IRS..."
The tablet is here to stay http://goo.gl/sjS1P. That's what Moses said--twice.
AT&T's T-Mobile buyout: customers speak out http://goo.gl/lEBs8. But it's hard to hear them because they keep breaking up.
US government develops phone-wiping panic button http://goo.gl/A6Uer. That's one key you don't want to butt-dial.