The List: New phone vs. Old phone

When you first get your phone, it’s the magical device that answers all your prayers. But two years later you can’t even pay someone to steal it from you.

the list new vs old phone
Credit: Flickr user Anssi Koskinen

There’s nothing quite like that new phone feel. You know what I’m talking about: When you first get a shiny, top-of-the-line device and you peel off the plastic covering, and spend the next two months carrying it around in a bulletproof case (on top of a mattress, surrounded by four bodyguards). When your gorgeous new Samsung Galaxy whatever is pristine and scratch-free (perhaps even fingerprint-free), everything’s working perfectly, and the battery life lasts all day.

You want to preserve your phone’s newness for as long as possible, so you do everything you can to protect it from rain, scratches, spills, thieves, children, and careless friends.

But a couple years in, your once-beautiful phone is now a mass of scratches, dings, and dents, and you’re counting down the days until you can trade it in for a newer model. You no longer bother with the bulletproof case—or any case at all—and you could care less if your phone falls in the toilet.

This is how you treat your phone when it’s brand new…versus how you treat it when it’s at the end of its life.

New:

Phone falls two inches onto a carpeted floor – you’ve never moved so fast in your life.

Old:

You accidentally throw your phone off a two-story building. “Eh, I’ll go get it later,” you say, when your friend asks if you want to check on it.

New:

Phone is at least a million times faster than the most powerful computer you’ve ever had.  You’re sure of this. You’ve done tests.

Old:

WHY IS THIS PHONE TAKING THREE MINUTES TO LOAD A TEXT PAGE????

New:

Phone charges practically by just being near the charger (or literally, if it has wireless charging).

Old:

You spend 20 minutes positioning the charging cable just right, because your phone’s MicroUSB jack broke a long time ago.

New:

Hours, no—days, are spent configuring your new phone so it’s perfect. Fonts are changed, apps are put in folders, lock screen wallpapers are downloaded…

Old:

Your five-year-old cousin gets hold of your phone at a family gathering. Instead of bothering to change the ringtone from the Dora the Explorer theme song, you just leave your phone on silent for the rest of its life.

New:

It starts to sprinkle as you’re walking home, so you immediately take off your jacket and wrap it around your phone for protection.

Old:

Phone gets dirty. Might as well wash it off in the sink!

New:

You refuse to let anyone use your phone, for fear they might drop it.

Old:

Your friend asks to use your phone and you say, “Are you sure? I mean, it has no reception and the battery dies every 10 minutes…but if you really want to, go for it.”

New:

You take tons of mirror selfies so people can see you have the latest, sexiest gadget.

Old:

Only regular selfies from now on.

New:

Wow, this camera is ridiculous. Look at the details!

Old:

Wow, this camera is ridiculous. It looks like a 1990’s era webcam. Almost.

New:

You look sideways at everyone eyeing your new phone. You’re afraid they might steal it.

Old:

You accidentally leave your phone in a cab so, WHOOPS…you have to buy a new one. (But since even the cabbie didn’t want your crappy old phone, he called you and returned it.)

This story, "The List: New phone vs. Old phone" was originally published by Greenbot.

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