Instant Messaging Etiquette

Knock Before You Enter

Inquire if the other party can instant message. Start out with something like, "Hi, can you chat?" Or, "Are you available?" IMs are great for finding out if someone is reachable.

"Some people like to use IM to ask if they can call," says etiquette expert Noe Spaemme. "That way, if someone is in your office, or you're busy, you can say it's not a good time and you'll call back in 20 minutes."

If your buddies say they're busy, respect their decision and try again another time. Remember to practice what you preach. If you're too busy to take an instant message, just say so. Your friends will respect you for it and, hopefully, return the favor.

Be Brief

Think short. Instant messages aren't meant to be long-winded. Don't write an essay when a couple of words will do the job. Besides, IM programs limit the amount of text you can plug in. AOL Instant Messenger, for example, has a limit of 512 characters (79 words) per message.

If you keep bumping up against the word limit, switch to e-mail or pick up the phone. Instant messages are like postcards, minus the postage. A thought or two, at the most, is all you should be sending at once.

Watch What You Write

Don't write anything in an IM that you wouldn't write in an e-mail or a typed letter. Whatever you say in instant messages can be saved and sent around. You've got no control over that. So don't assume that once your IM leaves your computer screen, it's gone. If you wouldn't want to see your words on a postcard or a billboard, don't put them in an instant message.

Keep It Casual

Instant messages are not replacements for serious, face-to-face communications. Don't use instant messages to be confrontational. For example, IMs are not the place to break up with a boyfriend, criticize a colleague, or reprimand an employee. Doing so is being chicken and makes for bad politics--especially at work.

Go Easy on the Jargon

Don't overuse acronyms or abbreviations. BRB (be right back) and LOL (laugh out loud) may seem right at home in some chat room conversations, where everybody is operating on the same wavelength. But if you're having an instant message exchange with your Great-Aunt Betty, better stick to the Queen's English.