What's glass-covered and architectonically gothic and smooth as black ice? Bonus points for guessing the Vatican inside a snow globe, but if you said Apple's iPhone/iPod Touch 3GS running Epic's Unreal Engine 3, you're either psychic or pretty amazing at untangling mangled metaphors. Yep, it seems one of Epic's pet projects involves getting the impressive visual engine that powers games like Gears of War 2 up and running on Apple's latest powerhouse portables.

How about a little "humbug" to ring in the holidays? 2009 was the usual mix of "best and worst of times," another year to celebrate games like Uncharted 2 and Torchlight and Assassin's Creed 2…and grouse about others like Stalin vs. Martians and Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust.

I'm all for self-aware computers with equal rights and the possibility of human/machine interaction, you know, a couple decades down the line when such things might actually be possible. But falling in love with and marrying a video game character in 2009?

While I was up in the air yesterday crossing the pond, Square Enix launched its Final Fantasy XIV beta program, offering Final Fantasy buffs a shot at early access. If you already know all there is to know about the game, you can skip straight to the action by visiting the official site and tapping the beta signup link. Note that this is for the Windows version, and PlayStation 3 recruitment won't begin until a later date.

I feel bad for Microsoft's Games for Windows, a really great idea that for one reason or another has yet to blossom. I've previously grumped about it here and here, so I'll summarize: Launched in May 2007 with the Windows version of Halo 2, just 29 official LIVE-enabled titles since, and dozens more GFW-branded games that have Xbox 360 analogues, but no corresponding Games for Windows LIVE support, thus: No GFW-based matchmaking, achievements, and gamertag tracking.

If you're thinking of buying a Wii this holiday for health-related reasons, you may want to think twice. A professor of health and exercise science at the University of Mississippi reportedly tracked eight families for six months to see if Nintendo's motion-driven console would impact their fitness levels and found that the console "had little effect on family fitness."

Star Wars The Force Unleashed was a mediocre action game that sold like gangbusters anyway, so it's only natural LucasArts would announce a sequel, oh-so-cleverly dubbed Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2.

I blew off Final Fantasy for the Nintendo Entertainment System, without apologies, for almost two decades. Not because I hate roleplaying games, or random encounters, or, you know, Japan. No, I took a pass because at the time, and from a distance, the game screamed Ultima-for-dummies, i.e. a super-simple roleplaying experience for kids who hadn't laid eyes or fingers on an Apple II, Commodore 64, or Intel 386, much less roleplaying big-leaguers like Bard's Tale, Wizardry, and SSI's Gold Box series.

Here's what we know so far: Rocksteady's fresh-announced Batman Arkham Asylum sequel probably won't be called Batman Arkham Asylum 2. The first one--actually the second best superhero game yet made, tailing Irrational's still-sterling Freedom Force--already plumbed the dilapidated depths and improbably gothic heights of DC's version of Guantanamo for the super fruity-loopy. Locking Batman in twice would be like putting Jeff Goldblum and Richard Attenborough back in the vicinity of Isla Nublar after they helicoptered away from InGen in 1993.

It's apparently hip to pick on the the New York Times these days, so I won't, even though it'd be easy to glibly confuse their latest position on violent games the way these guys seem to be. The NYT piece in question couldn't be clearer: Here's a list of 10 games you might want to avoid this holiday if you have a young child or teenager who, you know, doesn't meet the Entertainment Software Rating Board's age recommendations.

November retail video game sales sank 7.6 percent under last year's record revenues, but turned in the second best penultimate yearly performance on record, according to NPD data. Microsoft took top software honors, selling a staggering 4.20m copies of Activision's mega-popular Modern Warfare 2, more than doubling Sony's 1.87m share.