The Five Freakiest
5. To Badly Drone Where No Man's Droned Before
You can have Ella and Frank, Elvis and Aretha. For sheer vocal audacity, I'll take William Shatner. Of the many sites dedicated to the former Star Trek captain's distinctive song stylings, perhaps the most blood-curdling is William Shatner Sings! Here you'll find studio versions of "Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds" and "Mr. Tambourine Man," plus a live 1978 recording of "Rocket Man." Also included: former shipmates Mr. Spock (Leonard Nimoy) warbling "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins," and Lieutenant Uhura (Nichelle Nichols) navigating her way through a disco-infused version of the "Star Trek" theme song. Beam me up, Scotty--quickly, before they sing again. (For a good Shatner song collection, check out Has Been, the actor's surprisingly snappy 2004 collaboration with musician Ben Folds.)
4. Hamburger Hellper
Whoever thinks beef is just for dinner needs to meat--er, meet--Mr. Beefy, adopted son of the Beefeater Family and star of MeatMation. This demented photo/essay from the mid-1990s is disturbing enough to turn Hannibal Lecter into a vegan. Mr. Beefy is like Gumby, only instead of clay his head is made from chopped chuck and his limbs from raw chicken parts. It seems Mr. Beefy is a cannibal with a fondness for consuming his relatives. He proceeds to dine on Grandma (a fish), Ma (a Hebrew National hot dog), and Pa (a juicy Texas steak) before moving onto the family dog, Grissle. Though last updated in 1997, the site lingers like a McDonald's hamburger in your digestive tract. If you visit, be sure to wait at least 30 minutes before or after eating.
3. The Knife Stalker
Is that Willem Dafoe playing Nosferatu or the former Charlie's Angel Kate Jackson after bad cheek implants? Has Nicole Kidman's face really been injected with enough Botox to paralyze an elephant? What's up (or down) with Britney's breasts? You'll find the answers to these questions and more at Awful Plastic Surgery, which documents the more horrifying examples of Hollywood's obsession with youth (just select from the prolific article archives). The site relies largely on before-and-after photos, informed speculation, and generous helpings of snark. It also links to the ultimate horror show: a photographic history of Michael Jackson's face. Be afraid, be very afraid.
2. The Bod Mod Squad
Two words: Body modification. If that phrase doesn't send a chill down your spine, visit BodyMod.org, a site dedicated to gruesome acts of self-mutilation. If you can tattoo it, filet it, or stick a piece of metal through it, you'll find photos and videos of it here. (Warning: Many of these images are not for the squeamish. Trust me.) The site also sports user forums, a Wiki, and links to parties where, if you know the right people, you can get yourself suspended from a hook.
1. The Devil in Miss Hilton
When YouTube decided to devote a channel to Paris Hilton, the hand of Satan was clearly at work. (The truly demonic part: How anyone this dim could become so rich and famous.) While footage from Hilton's infamous sex tape is noticeably (and thankfully) missing, you can watch America's favorite 'celebutante' licking her lips and saying things like, "I'm really excited to be here," "It's really exciting to be here," and "I can't even describe how excited I am." Watch as she goes shopping in Tokyo, hits the clubs in Miami, and discusses Heisenberg's uncertainty principle with Noam Chomsky and Stephen Hawking. (Just seeing if you're still paying attention.) And if you think Paris is terrifying, check out the fans squealing like stuck pigs as they queue up for an autograph. You'll also find a handful of music videos where Paris displays her true talents, none of which have anything to do with singing. Watch them if you dare, but remember: This is why God invented the mute button.
Contributing editor Dan Tynan writes PC World's Gadget Freak column. He is not listed in Dontdatehimgirl.com, has never undergone Botox treatments, and sings slightly better than Shatner. His Goth name is Toxic Tears.
PC World Online News Editor Anne McDonald, PC World Senior Copy Editor Steven Gray, PC World Editorial Assistant Amber Bouman, PC World Contributing Editor Scott Spanbauer, and freelance writer Phil Houtz contributed to this story.