How the iGrinch stole Christmas
Are you sick to death of hearing "Jingle Bell Rock" and "Little Saint Nick" wherever you go? Are you ready to set every piece of red-and-green clothing in your wardrobe on fire? Do you regret spending your Christmas bonus on presents for loved ones instead of on beer for yourself? Well, despair no more because we've found eight iPhone apps that will provide some amusement and relieve your Yuletide gloom. From heavy metal Christmas carols to Grinch-inspired games to Gordon Gekko's celebration of greed, these apps are sure to take you out of the holiday spirit!
Developer: Oceanhouse Media
You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch, and now you've brought your fiendish villainy to the iPhone. The premise of this game is simple: You, as the Grinch, sit high atop your mountain home and can either hurl snowballs or presents at the goody-two-shoes citizens of Whoville. Since we're more interested in being naughty than nice in this slideshow, we recommend going with the snowballs.
Ask Gordon Gekko
Scrooge may be long gone but thankfully we have his modern-day incarnation of Gordon Gekko, the fictional Wall Street dirt bag who coined the phrase "Greed is good." In this app, Gekko acts as your own Magic 8 Ball, as you present him with a question and then shake your iPhone to get his answer. So whether you're pondering buying your spouse a new car or engaging in a hostile corporate takeover this Christmas, Gordon will be there to give you greed-based advice.
This app collects the top "twisted" Christmas carols written and performed by comedian Bob Rivers including "Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire" and "White Trash Christmas." The songs aren't especially funny, but they'll be good for annoying people at parties who want to hear nothing but Bing Crosby.
Infect Them All: Christmas Edition
The weather outside is frightful and the zombies are pretty bad too. This charming little game lets you play the role of a zombie who likes to bite people and turn them into more zombies. And really, what better gift can you give someone than turning them into a mindless undead flesh husk?
Aaaaaarrrgh. Can anything ruin Christmas quite as much as a Justin Bieber Christmas app? Seeing the smarmy teen pop sensation appear on your iPhone during the holidays in a Santa hat is enough to make anyone into a passionate celebrator of Festivus. According to the official description, this app lets you "play with JB in the snow" (creepy), "use him as a snowglobe" (if only he'd stay there) and even just "make his face float around" (flat-out terrifying to think about). Oh, and of course you can use the app to send him money by buying his CDs.
Real Deer Hunting
Developer: Sunstorm Interactive
Watch out, Donner, Prancer and Blitzen! I've got you in my virtual rifle scope! OK, so this deer hunting game isn't designed specifically to take out Santa's favorite pets, but you can certainly pretend it is if you choose to set it in a snowy winter wonderland. In addition to the normal virtual deer found in hunting games, Real Deer Hunting also promises that you'll be able to hunt "elusive, non-typical monster bucks." Now if only they took a cure from "Infect Them All" and let us hunt some zombie reindeer...
go forth apps
Buying heinous Christmas sweaters for relatives you dislike is a holiday tradition for passive-aggressive jerks everywhere. And with this app, you can see how stupid your relatives look in Christmas clothing before you buy it! It's a fairly simple concept: Upload pictures of friends and relatives onto the app and then superimpose horrible red-and-green sweaters onto them. Or as the app's official description says, "This app uses our custom blending technique to dress your subjects in sweater-y goodness." We have no idea what that means but it sounds like a recipe for wackiness.
We Wish You a Metal Christmas
While this isn't an iPhone app per se, this small collection of so-bad-they-must-be-heard metal covers of Christmas carols will be fun to play at parties, particularly the grunt-and-shout metal rendition of "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer." The album has also inspired a number of spirited reviews on the iTunes store. My two personal favorites are "It will ruin your mind forever" and "This makes Christmas look bad and that makes me want to kill a pig." What greater recommendation could there be than that?