American Library Association Aims to Eradicate Cluelessness by 2050

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April 1, 2011. The American Library Association announced a bold initiative today to eradicate cluelessness in the United States by 2050. An ALA spokesperson explained, “The only institution up to the task of eradicating cluelessness is public libraries. We originally set our goal at 2025, but an early survey of cluelessness in America revealed vast swaths of cluelessness. Cluelessness is being created at an ever increasing rate. In some ways, cluelessness is a uniquely American product on a par with any other American product – corn, hogs, wheat, steel, and lumber. This is what our country produces.”

To implement this initiative, cluelessness workshops will be taking place at public libraries across the country, scheduled between 9 am and 5 pm. “To teach cluelessness we need to model cluelessness,” the ALA spokesperson explained. “Most people will be unable to attend workshops between 9 am and 5 pm, so that is the most clueless time to hold them. All participants who complete the cluelessness training will receive a certificate confirming that they are 'Clueless Certified.'”

The ALA Cluelessness Eradication Campaign is being funded by the Gates Foundation; a spokesperson for the foundation explained, “We're all about being clueless. We were clueless from day one. This initiative is just our small way of giving back to the public, which has been so generous to us with their cluelessness.”

Phil Shapiro

The author of this article is an educator and community builder in the Washington DC-area. He has worked for several public library and public school systems in the DC-area, battling cluelessness wherever he sees it.

He can be reached at and on Twitter at

If you live in the Washington DC-area, stop on by the Watha T. Daniel/Shaw Neighborhood Library on the morning of Saturay, April 2, 2011, to learn about some free educational programs for Ubuntu Linux.

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