So Gears of War 3, it's almost here, but why settle for just the game when you can have your very own three-and-a-half foot replica retro Lancer chainsaw, ripped from Epic's third-person tactical shooter and immortalized in hand-painted metal and plastic. Scare friends, scare your family, stand in front of a mirror and scare yourself. The bayonet's even smeared with fake (red) blood, which—as gift requests go—means you're probably on your own picking one of these up.
I've been poking around NECA's website (the toy manufacturer with the Gears license) trying to find the official product page, but it apparently doesn't exist. All they seem to know about their own product is that 10 fans won a bunch of these things in a contest in late July in which fans snapped themselves geeking out with Gears miscellany.
Turns out GameStop's selling the thing exclusively for $100. Here's the pitch:
Dubbed the Retro Lancer during the Lambent Invasion, the Pendulum Wars Lancer Assault Rifle was the preceding model to the Lancer Assault Rift. Used primarily in the Pendulum Wars as the COG soldier's primary choice weapon, it was abandoned about a year after Emergence Day because the weapon was ineffective to the Locust Horde's fighting tactics. However, following the Sinking of Jacinto when supplies started becoming sparse, the Retro Lancer started cropping up in fighting forces once again.
And if you understand any of that, you're probably this toy's mark. NECA crafted it using Epic's 3D modeling data (that's kind of cool), and while it won't fire so much as a pellet (nerf or otherwise), it does make a "machine gun sound effect" when you pull the trigger.
Drop 'Gears of War 3' into NECA's search box and you'll turn up five pages of Gears 3-related miscellany. Like the prop replica Butcher Cleaver weapon:
An insanely detailed foam replica of the Cleaver as seen in the new Gears of War game. Sure to be a popular melee weapon, the Cleaver is 3 feet in length and features a detailed diamond plate textured handle. Pretend you’re a Butcher Boomer or the heroic Marcus Fenix as you hold this mighty replica in your hands! Made of highly durable polyurethane foam, hand painted with battle worn deco!
Gears of War 3 ships to store September 20th. While I could take or leave the original Gears, I loved Gears 2. In fact I'm all ears if you've got tips on how to snatch those last few tortuously difficult Horde-mode achievements.