Outrageously priced laptop bags
Did your startup just reach unicorn status? Win the lottery or otherwise come into a massive cash windfall? If so, you're probably ready for a splurge, and we've got some laptop bags for you.
All 12 of the following satchels are crazy expensive — starting at $2,350 —, and you simply won't believe the price tag on the most costly one. (Hint: eight digits.) The luxury items are organized from lowest to highest price. For this roundup, we also focused on bags that offer something a little different than your typical Tumi. We checked out a few of them in person at boutiques in San Francisco's Union Square, but perhaps unsurprisingly, the most expensive bags weren't in stock. One last note: Some of the options aren't made specifically for laptops, and we included their measurements so you can make sure your computer fits.
Yves Saint Laurent Rock Backpack in khaki camouflage ($2,350)
From the famed French design house Yves Saint Laurent comes a backpack designed for road warriors — literally. Made of printed 100 percent cotton with black leather accents, the military-inspired bag has multiple exterior pockets, a grosgrain lining, a cinch top, and it measures 16.8 inches by 16 inches by 7 inches. Food rations cost extra.
[Related Feature: Top 12 laptop bags for pros on the go]
Givenchy Cross Leather Briefcase ($2,450)
A black, calfskin leather Givenchy bag decorated with little red crosses? Who doesn't want one, right? The bag has no shoulder strap, but what it lacks in functionality, it makes up for in style. The subtle, sophisticated, and slightly cheeky briefcase measures 16 inches by 10.5 inches by 4.5 inches, and it proudly sports a gold Givenchy logo. Plus, it's made in Italia. We checked one out at the Saks Men's Store in San Francisco and appreciated the roomy interior.
Valentino Butterfly Classic Backpack ($2,775)
"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."
This was one of Muhammad Ali's famous catchphrases. However, he probably wasn't picturing a men's Valentino backpack adorned with a big blue butterfly design. The backpack, made of nylon with leather trim, measures 16 inches by 12 inches by 6 inches, includes an interior laptop sleeve, and it is guaranteed to draw attention — from butterfly aficionados.
Bally Python Backpack ($2,795)
If crocodile seems a bit too tame (or expensive) for your tastes, check out Bally's backpack with python skin exterior. The lined interior measures 15.5 inches by 11.75 inches by 5 inches, it's made in Italy, and it has adjustable straps. If you dig the Ozzy Osbourne look, and you have $3,000 to burn, this is the backpack for you.
Calder Bespoke Laptop Cases (starting at $3,480)
Calder, a small company in southwestern England, makes "bespoke" (built-to-order) laptop cases for businesspeople — and guitar cases for rock stars. The cases feature carbon fiber shells and "top grain" leather, and they're lined with calfskin and high-density foam. You specify color, leather texture, and anything else you want customized, such as "a highly protective suspension system to exactly fit your laptop." Note: The company requests a 60 percent deposit before making your case, so have that credit card ready.
Brunello Cucinelli Mink Fur Drawstring Backpack ($4,830)
If you're willing to raise the collective ire of PETA, Brunello Cucinelli's mink fur backpack could be right up your alley. The backpack has calf leather trim, beaded back straps, and a drawstring closure. At 14.2 inches by 9.5 inches by 3.2 inches, the bag might be a tight fit for a 13-inch MacBook Air. And that's all the more reason to buy a smaller gold MacBook ($1,299 and up), to go with your gaudy bag.
[Related Feature: The 12 best laptop bags for road warriors]
Santiago Gonzales Caiman Crocodile Backpack ($5,550)
Crocodile is one of the most expensive leathers. (Would you want to hunt down one of these critters?) Five years ago, Santiago Gonzalez released a line of colorful crocodile bags and luggage aimed at men, and Bergdorf Goodman (and other fancy department stores) now sells the designer's Caiman Crocodile Backpack in seven colors: navy, denim, black, gray, red, hunter green, and orange. (Some colors will be out of stock until December.) The reptilian satchel measures 16 inches by 24 inches by 5 inches.
Fendi Straw Monster Man Peekaboo Bag ($11,500)
Would (or perhaps, should) a grown man hand over $11,500 for a bag with a childish "Monster" design? The trendy Fendi brand offers a full line of Monster accessories, including $1,500 slip-on shoes, so why not? We couldn't find this bag in a store, but it should pass the MacBook Air test, measuring 17 inches by 14 inches by 8 inches. The bag also has an inside zippered pocket and an adjustable shoulder strap.
Tiffany & Co. Peyton Satchel ($18,000)
At a San Francisco Tiffany store, we timidly asked to see the crocodile leather Peyton Satchel with 24k-gold-plated, solid brass hardware. With all the security, we sort of expected a SWAT team to surround us. Instead, the sales clerk had absolutely no idea what we were talking about, but happily looked up the bag on her computer. Her eyes bulged when she saw the price tag and regrettably informed us the store didn't carry it. "Too bad," she said, smiling. "I could have made a whole month's commission!" (We didn't tell her we weren't planning to make a purchase.) The bag measures 15 inches by 11 inches by 4.75 inches.
Burberry Alligator Leather Crossbody Briefcase ($30,000)
The Burberry store in San Francisco's Union Square doesn't carry this ultra-high-end bag. In fact, the sales associate told us there was only one such bag available in all of Burberry's stock. With a $30,000 price tag, it's no wonder the British fashion house isn't exactly cranking these bags out like fish-and-chip platters. So why the sky-high price? The briefcase is made of silk-finish alligator leather accented with a 'gator luggage tag and matching handles. Though not technically a laptop bag, the briefcase's measurements — 14.8 inches by 10.6 inches by 2.6 inches — should accommodate smaller portable computers.
Louis Vuitton Porte-Documents Voyage ($50,000)
We unfortunately weren't able to get our hands on this gorgeous-looking Louis Vuitton bag at the company's San Francisco boutique. However, if you're in splurge mode and an LV fan, this crocodile leather bag is worth a look. It boasts an interior tablet sleeve, along with other inside pockets. The bag measures 16.1 inches by 12.2 inches by 2.8 inches. You will need to call Louis Vuitton for this one, though; it's not currently available for online ordering. If $50,000 is too luxe for you, consider the Porte-Documents Jour ($2,570) or the Porte Documents Business ($2,910), both of which we checked out at the store (and admittedly coveted).
Diamond Laptop Sleeve ($11,000,000)
No, that's not a typo.
An $11 million laptop sleeve really exists. Dutch company CoverBee introduced the sleeve in 2012 but later admitted to us, in an email, that they haven't sold a single one. (Surprise!) "We did however get some interest from Russian and Middle Eastern customers, but at the moment, it seems even too expensive for them," a company representative wrote.
The sleeve is made of more than 8,800 round-cut diamonds, and its mouth is lined with black sable. If $11 million is too steep, you could opt for CoverBee's "world's first Lederhosen Laptop Sleeve," which is a comparative bargain at $168 — though you just missed this year's Oktoberfest in Munich.