“Oh, Batman: Arkham Knight is out now. I guess I should mosey on over to Steam and check out what’s what. I mean, since PC code didn’t go out to reviewers ahead of release. That’s always a good sign and not at all a reason to be alarmed.”
What’s that? The PC version of Arkham Knight is apparently busted and horribly optimized? And it features a console-friendly frame lock of 30 frames per second that’s only editable in an .ini file? Well bless my heart and shove a bat-shaped knife in my eye, who could’ve guessed?
I won’t even bother. I’ll just let Steam users tell you in their most creative, grammatically-broken epithets how Arkham Knight launched:
That last one is my favorite. Such economy of language. So much disappointment phrased in the least offensive, most articulate way possible.
And in case you thought the solution was the new drivers Nvidia put out last night:
So yeah, I guess stamp “BUY AT YOUR OWN RISK” in big red letters across Batman’s forehead and then call it a day. We’ll be keeping an eye on this one moving forward—after all, even Assassin’s Creed Unity eventually became playable…months after release. Hopefully Arkham City will do the same, as I’ve heard it’s rather good aside from, you know, not being able to play it.
Note: Thanks to Steam users MarjinM, Not Important, Neo, Nando Calrissian, Tablecat, Nikoran, Zazzoa, Fabulous*Sleeping*, Miqs, Eck, paper towel, and Robertinator for keeping me amused in these trying times.