My sides are so sore from laughing. The video game industry lost its collective minds this week and decided to deliver unto you the most ridiculous set of news possible. Seriously, we’ve got an infamous dictator suing over misuse of his image, Flappy Bird running on an Apple IIe, and Fred Durst streaming video games on Twitch in between recording vocal tracks for a new Limp Bizkit album. Surely this is the end of days—as evidenced by the reveal of a new Doom game.
Here’s all the video game news for the week of July 14. I’ll leave out the “fit to print” part this week.
It’ll never stop
That Flappy Bird port train just keeps on chugging. Developer Dagen Brock ported the game to the Apple II this week, thereby causing a rift in the space-time continuum and unleashing the hordes of demons waiting just outside the fabric of our world.
The port, titled FlapIIe Bird, is available on 5.25 and 3.5 inch floppy disks, or you can play a browser-based version here.
History is written by the video games
Manuel Noriega, former dictator of Panama, is taking inspiration from Lindsay Lohan these days—he’s suing Activision over unlawful use of his image in Call of Duty: Black Ops 2. The world is a strange place.
Everyone kills Hitler the first time
Sniper Elite III‘s preorder DLC, Hunt the Grey Wolf, is now just regular DLC—anyone can purchase the mission, which takes place at a Nazi camp in Tobruk. Pay $8 and you can hunt down Hitler and shoot him in the head. Or in the lung, heart, spine, kidneys, or testicles for that matter.
Every breath you take
I could get real nerdy about wrestling legend Sting right now, but I can already see them prepping the hooks off-stage so I’ll just stick to the facts here: he’s going to be the preorder bonus for WWE 2k15 despite never wrestling in WWE.
Sting was one of the all-time greats in rival wrestling organization WCW before WWE bought them out in the early 2000s. Two variations of Sting’s costume will make it into the game. Blah blah blah. All you really need to know, however, is that one time Sting did this:
The apprentice becomes…
A bunch of ex-Call of Duty devs banded together and announced their new team this week, Reload Studios, which will focus on crafting “games for upcoming Virtual Reality and existing platforms” including mobile and consoles. No surprise, but their first game in development is a shooter.
And yet another MOBA was revealed this week, this one from StarCraft lead designer James Phinney. It’s called Gigantic, and besides “looking really pretty” the main new feature here is that the base is a character in itself, and can be moved around the map. It sounds a bit like Battlefield 2142’s Titan mode.
The new Doom has been officially unveiled, and yes it is simply called “Doom” and not “Doom 4” or “Doom: Hellblaster” or anything else that would make it clear which game you were talking about so you wouldn’t have to say something like, “Hey, did you play the new Tomb Raider?” for the rest of your life.
QuakeCon attendees received an exclusive peek at the game, which is apparently an origin story and resets the Doom timeline to the beginning again. Also, you can rip a guard’s arm off. Also, you can wield a chainsaw. Also, you fight demons.
It sounds like Doom. I wasn’t especially excited about this project, but since Wolfenstein: The New Order was so good…okay, I’m still only a little excited about Doom. Unfortunately, the preview was only shown to attendees and not revealed online.
Speaking of chainsaws, Fred Durst briefly became relevant again this week when he began streaming Call of Duty: Ghosts on Twitch under the name LIMPBIZKITTwitch. He later said, “I should’ve used TwitchBizkit.” Live and learn, Fred.
He was testing out the streaming capabilities of the Xbox One while procrastinating vocal work for Limp Bizkit’s new album. I don’t know whether the first half or the second half of that sentence is more surprising.
Also, as part of the 18,000 Microsoft layoffs, the Xbox Entertainment Studios division (responsible for creating TV content) is shutting down—one more nail in the “all-in-one entertainment console” coffin. The Halo TV show is unaffected, though.