Etsy Hall of Shame: Crafts Gone Wrong

Online craft superstore Etsy is home to a wide variety of wonderful handmade items. But it’s also home to some pathetic handcrafted duds. Thanks to Websites such regretsy.com, we’ve assembled 20 of our favorite (or least favorite) ridiculous crafts.

Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think “delicious” or “life-like” are desirable adjectives to apply to clothing–not that the 3D pieces of faux nigiri on this pullover sweater look in any way edible.

The horse-tail sticking out the front raises this item from “unfortunate” to “a fiasco.” It looks as though someone shot Mr. Ed out of a cannon and pinned the poor model against a fence.

If you’re concerned about the dangers to children of remaining sedentary for long periods, just buy this piece of furniture, and I guarantee that your kids will avoid sitting down for the rest of their lives.

Finally, a hair accessory that’s fashionable and also protects you if you’re prone to constantly bumping your head. It’s also the headgear of choice if you want to go to a costume party dressed as a fearful Munchkin.

Some Etsy items really stretch the definition of handmade. Admittedly, a matched pair of these organizers would be ideal for storing your fresh egg collection in.

The hundred dollar price tag attached to this unique garment may seem steep, but it’s a small price to pay to be the life of the (tea) party. Unless, of course, the party turns into a hotpad feeding frenzy.

It feels uncomfortable just looking at somebody else wearing this. My only solace is that I now know for certain why most people don’t try to rework skirts into pants. But how else are you going to get a kneecap-only tan?

Computers + cats = win, usually. But this computer hard-drive clock proves that’s not always the case. In fact, the “cat head” and “cat tail” (or is that a “python head”?) look like last-minute add-ons in a desperate bid to increase the clock’s charm.

The sartorial equivalent of a pineapple upside down cake, this poor pair of pants (?) seems to have developed sentience and begun to question its own misbegotten existence. It’s definitely not an item I’d want to wear in a field of wildflowers (and bees).

Well, it’s either a unicorn horn or a bronzed pile of…something else. I can’t tell whether the Phantom of the Opera mask comes as part of the ensemble. Really though, isn’t the horn more than enough?

Half man, half pillow, all Manllow. I have to assume that the creator of this item is aware of how terrible it is–because the other possible interpretation is too scary to imagine.

For when you want to hold up a convenience store like a level 10 Paladin. I think the guy in the picture has just been told that the coif doesn’t come off.

You can be the first person on your street to own the new Big Bird glasses by Lady Gaga. Built-in bonus: This prosthetic toucan beak doubles as a prosthetic tapir snout for twice the fun and usability.

Sometimes the unfortunate choice isn’t so much with the craft itself. Here a perfectly serviceable knit hat is overshadowed by the unusual choice of model. Someone needs to teach that plastic jug to smile.

I’ve spent hours trying to reconstruct how someone could ever decide to make this, and I’m no closer than I was when I started. Most plausible theory: If you’re heavily into lycanthropy, wearing this neckpiece will make it harder for others to tell when you’ve started to change. Note: The Etsy blurb for this item says that it was made from “a recycled raccoon fur,” so no animal was further harmed in its creation–and some live raccoons may actually be safer now.

Is there any way to express your love for Yanni more obviously than by gluing him to your fingernails? Suddenly the Manllow stuffed doll seems marginally less creepy.

This ring may be the only piece of jewelry that also gives you a decent weight-training workout. I’m still not sure what “cocktail statement” it makes, but presumably it has to do with being tough enough to drink everyone else under the table.

I think my favorite thing about this one is that the item description for the metal-and-birch wall clock doesn’t say anything about its incorporating a disturbing image of a noseless man.

Here we have a Stephen King toy set that is somehow even more horrifying than his collected works. If you broke the last doll open, what would you find–Barry Manilow or Yanni?

If you’re going to wear a giant transparent bow with playing cards in it on your head, it’s at least nice to have the makings of a good hand. Come on, ten of diamonds!