Crowd-source advice sites like Yahoo Answers have become a bit of a magnet for the maladjusted. Sure, there are plenty of average Joes just looking for ordinary information. But among the sites’ many mundane queries, there’s a sea of jaw-droppingly dumb discussions guaranteed to amaze and entertain.
I spent some time surfing through Yahoo Answers to find the worst of the worst, and boy did I find it. The spelling, grammar, and punctuation are all as found in the original queries–because why put lipstick on a dodo?
So let’s take a look at the vital questions of our time, as posed by some of the deepest thinkers out there, along with the best answers I could come up with…
“I wanted to see if my computer would read my credit card so i put it in the cd rom and it got stuck, how do i get it out?? I tryed toothpics but lost them in the process?? also the drive is making noises”
Oh, that’s normal. Your system is just waiting for you to pay the required $1 processing fee for scanning the card. Simply fold a greenback into a tiny square and insert it into any USB port.
“I thought cantelope was an animal!? i always thought that a cantaloupe was that animal that has the horns and they live in Arizona and stuff, but i was shopping for groceries yesterday and i saw they had cantaloupe meat on sale. so i was like yeah sure i’ll try it, but what i saw, wasn’t a cantaloupe. it was some white and green fruit thing! whats up with this?”
The store is guilty of mislabeling. The term it was looking for is “jackalope”–which is a cross between a jackfruit and a manila envelope.
“I was bitten by a turtle when i was a young lad, can i still drink orange juice?”
This is why old lads should be barred from Yahoo Answers. Seriously–where do they come up with this stuff?
In the land of the complete idiots, the halfwit is king. PCWorld has examined and documented evidence of this phenomenon from time to time, with remarkable scientific success. For further explorations of high-tech hijinx and online foolishness, consult these dispatches: